I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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