thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
