Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
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