I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
