She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
