and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
