she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
