so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
