theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize