is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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