Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize