i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
