Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
