at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
