you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize