My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
