ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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