I just saw a hot homeless man
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
