i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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