dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
