so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He did a backflip because drugs
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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