once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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