I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
