I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
