I think i peed on brittanys purse
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
