made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
