Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
