Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
