i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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