They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
