I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
