This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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