I met the friendliest cop last night
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize