Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
