yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
