just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
We got so high we made milksteak
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize