My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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