i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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