Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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