there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
