i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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