So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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