he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
