I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
