No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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