My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
