yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
