The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize