Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
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