yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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