I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize