it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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