hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
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