Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
