I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Actions speak louder than pants.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
