but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
