i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize