I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
