yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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