Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
