Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
