your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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