tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
