I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men