I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
