Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
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He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
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We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...