Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.