it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.