I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.