I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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