No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
